Gray skies are gonna clear up . . .

May 22, 2013 in managing life, trust with 0 Comments

dark clouds 2

Dark clouds . . .  cloud everything.

Ever been in a season where you find yourself thinking . . . if I could just get through this one day . . . or these next 2 days . . . If I could just get to the weekend. I’ll be able to rest, breathe, think clearly. . . find some joy.

We have all had times like that.  Perhaps your week looks overwhelming because of your schedule.  Or you have something coming up before you that you feel ill-equipped to handle.  Or it makes you nervous — deeply anxious with every thought of what’s coming. The pressure, the angst of the thing is overwhelming.  It wakes you up at night — then keeps you awake — tossing and turning.

You may know this Scripture:  “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  (Phil 4:6)  But how do you really do that?

Sometimes . . .  (and I don’t recommend this often)  as you consider the “thing” looming . . . consider these three things:

  1. What’s the worst case scenario in this situation?  (Remember – even death has no sting!)  But play it out if you need to face the biggest concern.
  2. What will happen if you are just “real” about whatever you are facing?  Honest conversation, asking forgiveness, preparing to the best of your ability – and really giving it all you have?
  3. What’s the best way this can turn out?  Knowing that idea, what steps can you take toward that picture?

I love that Philippians 4:7 follows verse 6:  “and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Fear and dread can suck the life out of you — moment by moment.  Facing it head on will help you gain confidence that you can do all things through Christ.   God is for you!  And nothing is too big for Him.  Nothing!

 

 

 

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You Know You’re a Mom . . .

May 19, 2013 in children, family with 0 Comments

pie 2A

It’s a week past Mother’s Day and yet the great stories and reflections from Mother’s Day continue.  I’m not surprised by that because as you know, being a mother is the best thing of all.

You know you’re a mom when . . . .

  • You count the number of sprinkles on each kid’s cupcake to make sure they are equal.
  • You have time to only shave one leg at a time.
  • You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
  • You mastered the art of placing food on a plate without anything touching.
  • You hire a baby sitter because you haven’t been out with your husband in ages, then you spend half the night talking about and checking on the kids.
  • You find yourself cutting your husband’s sandwiches into unusual shapes.
  • You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi’s mother.
  • You hear your mother’s voice coming out of your mouth when you say “Not in your good clothes.”
  • You read that the average-five-year-old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is “above average.”

And perhaps my favorite of all:

A teacher asked a boy this question: “Suppose your mother baked a pie and there were seven of you — your parents and five children.  What part of the pie would you get?”  “A sixth,” replied the boy.  “I’m afraid you don’t know your fractions,” said the teacher.  “Remember, there are seven of you.”  “Yes, teacher,” said the boy,, “But you don’t know my mother.  Mother would say she didn’t want any pie.”  (Bits and Pieces, June, 1990)

This article is taken from Tony Cooke Ministries (Thoughts for Mother’s Day).  (www.tonycooke.org)

Let Mother’s Day continue!

 

 

 

 

 

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It’s All Under Control.

May 16, 2013 in Uncategorized with 0 Comments

 

(This is a post I wrote in April 2012, and I am reminded again today how good God is to us … always making a way for us!)

One of my favorite stories in the New Testament is Mark 6:45-51. It’s probably familiar to you too. Jesus had just finished feeding the 5,000 and then the day continues:

“And at once He insisted that the disciples get into the boat and go ahead of Him to the other side of Bethsaida, while He was sending the throng away (from feeding the 5,000).

And after He had taken leave of them, He went into the hills to pray.

Now when evening had come, the boat was out in the middle of the lake, and He was by Himself on the land.”

Verse 48: “And having seen that they were troubled and tormented in their rowing, for the wind was against them, about the fourth watch of the night (between 3:00 and 6:00 am) He came to them [walking] directly on the sea.

And He acted as if He meant to pass by them.

Verse 49:  “But when they saw Him walking on the sea, they thought it was a ghost and raised a deep shriek of terror. For they all saw Him and were agitated (troubled and filled with fear and dread) But immediately He talked with them and said, ‘Take heart! I AM! Stop being alarmed and afraid!’”

“And He went into the boat with them and the wind ceased.  And they were astonished exceedingly beyond measure.”

I noticed 3 things Jesus does here in this situation — for those He loves:

  1. Gave them instruction.  (Get into the boat, go ahead of Me, he told them)
  2. Prayed for them — He sees and knows.  (The boat was in the middle of the lake – with high winds and huge waves.)  He had a knowing they were in trouble even though He probably could not visibly seem them.  But verse 48 says, “And having seen that they were in trouble. . .” (Even though they were in a physical sense – far away – maybe even a mile or more).
  3. He knows how to help them and is moved toward their situation.  Look again at verse 48:  “And He acted as if He meant to pass by them.”)  I believe He was ready to calm the storm and save them without them even seeing Him.  (But He called out to them and He came close).

This same word “passed by” is a similar word used in Exodus 33:19.  Here the Lord God is talking to Moses, saying “I will make all My Goodness pass before you, and I will call out My Name.  For I will show mercy to anyone I choose and I will show compassion to anyone I choose.”

No matter what’s going on today, the Lord of the universe is mindful of you.  He is in the midst of your situation, and may have already ‘passed by’ with every answer you need – full of mercy and compassion.

 

 

 

 

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Mother’s Hands

May 12, 2013 in children, family, Grandmothers, relationships with 0 Comments

grandmothers hands 2

Mothers Day!  One of my favorite days because of the joy I have had for 24 plus years being a mom to Nicole and Justin – the two best children – now adults – that I know!  This is a sweet bit of poetry for all my mom friends!

Mother’s Hands

Dear gentle hands have stroked my hair

And cooled my brow,

Soft hands that pressed me close

And seemed to know somehow

Those fleeting moods and erring thoughts

That cloud my day,

Which quickly melt beneath their suffrage

And pass away.

No other balm for earthly pain

Is half so sure,

No sweet caress so filled with love

Nor half so pure,

No other soul so close akin that understands,

No touch that brings such perfect peace as Mother’s hands.

~W. Dayton Wedgefarth

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Marriage — It’s Work. The Good Kind.

May 10, 2013 in husbands, love, marriage, romance with 1 Comment

This is a repeat of a post from 2012 — It’s a good reminder (every year!)

If there’s anything to stay on top of your game about, I say it should be your marriage.

Marriage greets you first thing in the morning and is the last moment of the day, signing off with a good night kiss.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott in Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts list some tips to get you thinking (and doing).  If you read any of the following and realize there are some things you need to sharpen in your relationship, explore and talk about them.  Decide to improve how you respond.  Make changes that are within your ability to control.  Take the first step.

  • Cultivate Passion.  How do couples married 20 years or more rekindle the “sometimes flickering flame of passion?”  Here are three strategies of happily married couples:
    1. Practice meaningful touch.
    2. Plan mutually enjoyable experiences.
    3. Compliment your partner daily.
  • Cultivate Intimacy.  Every husband and wife needs to be more intimate with their spouse than they are with their close friends.  When something good happens, call your husband first!  They should be the first ones to hear your news.
    1. Spend time together
    2. Listen with a third ear  (Listen not only to the story but to the feelings being conveyed)
    3. Practice unconditional acceptance. (No walking on eggshells around each other)
    4. Focus on commonalities.  (The more you focus on what you have in common, the deeper intimacy grows)
    5. Spiritual relationship.  (“Without spiritual roots, couples are left with an emptiness and superficiality that prevent genuine intimacy.”)
  • Cultivate Commitment. “There may be nothing more important in a marriage than a determination that it shall persist.”

I highly recommend the Parrott’s books on Marriage (they have several).  Go to www.RealRelationships.com to learn more about them and their books and products.

Your marriage is precious to the Lord. Invite Him to get involved.  Allow Him room.  Ecclesiastes 9:12 “Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”

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Are you a control freak?

May 7, 2013 in love, managing life, relationships with 0 Comments

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This has been me in some previous situations . . . . Not a pretty sight.

Control freaks rarely know that they are one. They believe that they are helping people with their “constructive criticism” or taking over a project because “no one else will do it right.”  This is an excerpt from an article on Yahoo.com by Shelley Prevost, December 27, 2012.

Want to know if you’re a control freak?  Here are eight signs that might be indicators.

  • You believe that if someone would change one or two things about themselves, you’d be happier.  So you try to “help them” change this behavior by pointing it out, usually over and over.
  • You micromanage others to make them fit your (often unrealistic) expectations. You don’t believe in imperfection and you don’t think anyone else should either.
  • You judge others’ behavior as right or wrong and passive-aggressively withhold attention until they fall in line with your expectations. Sitting in silent judgment is a master form of control.
  • You offer “constructive criticism” as a veiled attempt to advance your own agenda.
  • You change who you are or what you believe so that someone will accept you. Instead of just being yourself, you attempt to fool others by managing their impression of you.
  • You present worst-case scenarios in an attempt to influence someone away from certain behaviors and toward others. This is also called fear mongering.
  • You have a hard time with ambiguity and being OK with not knowing something.
  • You intervene on behalf of people by trying to explain or dismiss their behaviors to others.

You believe that if you can change another person’s undesirable behavior, then you will be happier or more fulfilled. You make someone else responsible for how you feel.

The thing is, you are only responsible for you. The road to better relationships always starts with you. Rather than attempt to control everyone else, work on becoming a better version of yourself. Here are a few ideas:

  • Be vulnerable with people.
  • Never compromise your self-respect by altering your core beliefs.
  • Be realistic about your expectations of others.
  • Quit the passive-aggressive nonsense.  Be direct.
  • Accept that a large portion of life is laced with things you may not be able to anticipate
  • Embrace confrontation–it really is sometimes the only thing you can do.
  • Take responsibility for your own happiness.

If you work on your own improvement instead of trying to control others, healthier relationships at work, as well as everywhere else, will then come to you as a result.

“Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.” Ephesians 4:2

 

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Best Baked Black Beans Ever!

May 4, 2013 in recipes with 0 Comments

baked beans crock 2

My husband Scott has a few specialties that he cooks for us.  His recipes are the kinds we crave, they are so good.  With Spring here, you should have a great eat-out-on-the porch side dish to go with your BBQ burgers.  Black beans are so good for you too!  I highly recommend doubling this recipe!

BAKED BLACK BEANS

1 TBLS olive oil

1/2 pound turkey bacon, chopped

1/2 yellow onion, diced

2 garlic cloves, minced

2 medium jalapenos, seeded and chopped

1/2 tsp salt

1 cup reduced-sodium beef broth

1/4 cup firmly packed light brown sugar

1/4 cup ketchup

3 TBLS honey

2 tsp Dijon mustard

2 TBLS apple cider vinegar

1/4 tsp freshly ground pepper, to taste

2 15-ounce cans black beans, drained and well rinsed

1/4 cup chopped cilantro

Preheat oven to 400 F.  Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium-high.  Add the bacon, onion, garlic, jalapenos, and salt.

Cook 7 to 8 minutes until vegetables start to soften.  Reduce the heat to low and add the broth, brown sugar, honey, mustard, ketchup, cider vinegar and black pepper.  Stir until well combined.  And the beans and stir to coat.

Transfer the beans to an 8-inch by 8-inch pan.  Bake uncovered 45 minutes to 1 hour, until the beans are hot and a dark crust begins to form on the top.  Sprinkle with cilantro and serve immediately.

Enjoy!

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Use Your Pretty Voice!

May 1, 2013 in children, family with 0 Comments

European Robin (Erithacus rubecula) singing

While my children were growing up, we had some basic rules:

  • No running in the house
  • May not use the word “stupid”
  • Outside voices were for outside
  • As a reminder to use an “Inside Voice,” we would say “use your pretty voice.”
  • Try one bite of everything on your plate (How I introduced new foods)
  • She/He is the only sister/brother you have, so treat them nice.

Of course, that is not the exhaustive rule list, but a few basics that I must have used often because I remembered them so quickly.

I am no stranger to some of my shortcomings – musical talent or ability being one of them.  This little (true) story only confirmed my awareness.

Each night as I put our kids down for the night, we would say our prayers, then I would sing them a song.  One particular evening, as I was singing a nightly time-to-go-to-sleep song to (my then 2-1/2 year old), Nicole interrupted me mid verse:  “No Momma, use your pretty voice.”

Kids will keep you humble — and then self aware!

As they say . . . out of the mouths of babes …. often will come pure, unedited truth!

Enjoy every moment that you can with your children.  And then be sure to write down those amazing one liners they will spout out without even thinking.

 

 

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Get A Transfer!

April 27, 2013 in just for fun, managing life with 1 Comment

train station 2 2

Sunday I was sitting on the back porch reading poetry.  (I am adding more poetry reading time into my life!)  This day, it actually made me laugh out loud and I want to share a poem with you that spoke to me personally, and as the saying goes: “If the shoe fits, wear it.”  You do the same!

Get A Transfer!

If you are on the Gloomy Line,

Get a transfer.

If you’re inclined to fret and pine,

Get a transfer.

Get off the track of double and gloom,

Get on the Sunshine Track — there’s room —

Get a transfer

If you’re on the Worry Train,

Get a transfer.

You must not stay there and complain,

Get a transfer.

The Cheerful Cars are passing through,

And there’s lots of room for you —

Get a transfer.

If you’re on the Grouchy Track,

Get a transfer.

Just take a Happy Special back,

Get a transfer.

Jump on the train and pull the rope,

That lands you at the station Hope —

Get a transfer.

–AUTHOR UNKNOWN

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Preparing for marriage: What my son in law did well.

April 24, 2013 in family, home, husbands, marriage, marriage prep, mentoring with 1 Comment

JordanNicole

Guest post by Scott J. Allen http://scottjallen.com

Getting married is an art – getting married well, anyway. The art is in the preparation.

Marriage isn’t as simple as just falling in love and running away with your soul mate. You don’t just float off on a “happily ever after” cloud together. When you get married, you marry a family along with their traditions and culture. You are marrying a long history, a mindset and world view. You are joining two families with their good, bad and ugly stuff.

Why do so many who are young and in love not know the rest of the story? Great question, but I think the answer is more rhetorical. I would encourage you to take some time to think, pray and answer that for yourself. Caution, it may require some adjustments in your thinking and approach.

Successful marriage starts with preparing well.

Last summer our daughter Nicole got married to a fine young man. Even after they knew they wanted to get married, they didn’t just wake up one day and walk down the aisle. They prepared. They each prepared. They prepared together. They prepared us. They walked out a process. We were all as ready as we could be when the day arrived. Why is that? I give a great amount of credit to my son in law for leading and easing the transition for all of us.

There are several things that Jordan did extremely well in preparing for marriage. Take note young men, young women, mothers and fathers. Here is my short list of the some of the highlights:

1. He gave me time. Guys, let’s face it. Giving your precious daughter to another man is a difficult process. It doesn’t matter how amazing that guy may be – it’s irrelevant to the feelings that accompany this kind of change. Even kind and gentle fathers struggle with the new man in their daughter’s life – sometimes not very well. I’m not sure I passed all of the time with flying colors. Jordan was nothing short of a blessing in giving me time to get used to him and used to the idea of him marrying my daughter.

2. He became my friend and mentee. Jordan was really proactive in developing a relationship with me (and Debbie, too.) He regularly came over to watch football, have dinner and often asked me to go to lunch or coffee and just talk about life. He let me in his life and bounced ideas and decisions off of me. In building this relationship, I learned to trust and believe in him. I also learned how to let him in my life and our family. Priceless.

3. He became a brother to my son. My son Justin was on board with having Jordan as a brother before I got wholeheartedly on board with having him as a son in law. He befriended my son and earned a place in his heart as well as earning his approval for making their brotherhood official and lasting.

4. He treated my daughter honorably. Jordan showed himself to be honorable to Nicole when it was convenient and when it wasn’t. He dated and courted her. He bought her flowers. He took the lead as a spiritual leader in their relationship. They prayed together. They studied the marriage relationship together and talked about how to prepare. He made changes and adjustments to become the kind of husband he desired to become.

5. He prepared to financially take care of her. With every passing week and month, I watched Jordan focus on preparing his finances – becoming increasingly fiscally responsible. He had a vision. He had goals. He had a plan and he worked on it diligently. He chipped away at debt. He saved. He prepared himself and his life to become a safe harbor for Nicole. I knew that Nicole’s future was safe and well planned with him.

People often ask me how it’s going having a married daughter. My answer is always the same. It’s great. Jordan has made this as easy as it could possibly be for all of us. I am forever grateful that my daughter found an honorable man who takes great care of her. I am forever grateful that we found a new son that fits into our family and allows us to fit into theirs.

Let this be a life lesson. May we all learn and grow from Jordan’s life and ministry. He made choices that paved the way for the plan of God for us all. He made it easy.

Thank you, Jordan. God has been and continues to be good to us through you. Being family with you is a joy.

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